The Wrong Side of the Bed

Jack is going on 3.5 years old. I do not need a calendar to tell me this. His moods speak loud enough. Case in point, this morning...

1. Jack woke in our bed. He screamed "MOMMY YOU ARE NAKED! I DON'T LIKE IT! WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS!" They were on my bottoms as always. My waist was exposed as my shirt rode up and he was touching my skin. Clearly freaked him out.

2. As we stumble into bathroom to brush teeth he catches a glimpse of himself in mirror. He screamed, "THIS IS NOT MY HAIR! WHERE IS MY HAIR?" He proceed to frantically pat his bedhead hair down flat. He was overwhelmed with emotion that he went boneless hitting his chin on the sink. He continued, "I WANT MY HAIR. THIS ISN'T MY HAIR!"

3. A little water had the hair down in place. Of course the water cause another scene as Jack was not quite convinced that his hair would eventually dry. Then we enter the kitchen. I hand him is milk. He screams, "THE MILK IS GOING DOWN! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! FIX IT MOM! OH NO! THE MILK IS GOING DOWN! I CAN'T DRINK IT!" He then collapsed on the floor into the fetal position. I just stared at him and the milk thinking 'what the hell is he talking about?' Minni if you read this you must comment on how I don't exaggerate as you bore witness to this last week!

4. On way to school he suddenly screams, "MOM...GO...BACK...NOW...NO!!!!! You ARE PASSING IT!!! GO...BACK...TO...THE...CAR...WASH...NOW!!!...ONE...TWO...THREE...YOU ARE IN TROUBLE!" The car wash was the drive through at the local pharmacy. The one, two, three magic was the second time he has tried to discipline me. The first was bedtime just the other night.

I am not sure to laugh at him or declare this torture. All I know is this pregnant mom needs a bit of sympathy as she can't turn to wine and prenatal vitamins don't work as well. Kidding, of course!